You See Puppies. I See Endless Ways to Fall in Love.

So, imagine this with me if you will.  You are presented with a box of puppies.  They are all adorable and precious, have sweet puppy breath, and your heart practically melts at the sight of them.  Here’s what you know: you have the opportunity to spend some time with the puppies so that you can learn their personalities, you will eventually be presented with one of the puppies to keep and love forever, but, and here’s the catch, you will not be able to choose the puppy you keep; it will be chosen for you and you cannot exchange the puppy once it has been given.

So, what do you do?  You hop in the puppy crate and start playing, of course.  You learn that some are face-lickers, some are very rough, some are extremely timid, some are hyper and some sleep the entire time you are trying to connect with them.  While many of the puppies are wonderful and you think they would make excellent companions, some are not gelling with you at all and would never make you happy.

Eventually the inevitable happens: you fall in love with one particular puppy.  That is the puppy for you.  You want it more than all the others, you have already given it a name, and you have visions of days spent in the park and at the lake, wasting the hours running and playing. 

This is dangerous territory.  You fell in love with one, but you have never been guaranteed that one.  There are others that you would like, but you love that one already, and he isn’t even yours yet.  The deal wasn’t to choose the puppy you loved; the deal was to become familiar with the puppies and then someone or something else would make the choice for you. 

What happens if you are presented with the puppy that bites?  Or the puppy that licks your face relentlessly even though you hate it?  Or the puppy that is so hyper you cannot stand it? 

What happens when your dream of frolicking in the park becomes a nightmare of training, obedience classes, special diets, and midnight face-licking sessions?  Or, what happens when you are presented with one of the puppies that you liked, but did not fall in love with?  What happens when reality does not exactly match your desire? 

This is how my mind works.  Every single situation, circumstance, or interaction in my life is a mixed box of puppies.  Except my puppies are possible outcomes and I see them all.  It is one of my strengths: I always imagine every possible outcome so I am rarely shocked at what happens and I am prepared for any possibility.  This is a good thing. 

This is also dangerous territory.  I fall in love every single day, over and over again.  Not with puppies, and not necessarily with people; but with ideas.  I fall in love with one of the hundreds of possible outcomes.  More often than not, my in-love brain will pin more expectation on that one idea than it should.  While I have thought of everything, I have invested in a very small portion of the overall possibilities. 

So, while I am rarely shocked, I am often disappointed.  I do not linger in disappointment, though.  Fortunately, because my brain never stops, I just start the cycle all over again, re-imagining the new possibilities and preparing for the new outcomes, falling in love anew with the plot twist that changed the story. 

This, too, is strength.  There is nothing that has ever brought me down and kept me there.  And there is nothing that has ever surprised me enough to leave me unable to react.  Sometimes it hurts to lose the perfect expectation to the imperfect realities of life, but more often than not, the new possible combinations are more desirable than before the wrench was thrown into the mix.

At the end of the day I will always be in love with something that has yet to happen; I will always have ideas that are boundless in their possibilities; and I will always be prepared to react to any contingency.  It may take a long time for me to fully understand the intricacies of the way this mind of mine works, and that is alright with me.  The way I see it; the way my brain sees it; the possibilities are endless and I will always be in love with something beautiful.

I can live with that.