I don’t want to imply that I necessarily keep score, but some days (or weeks) it really seems like I have checked out and have given in to the irrational, moody, and unpredictable whims of a group of young men who represent fewer years collectively on this earth than I represent all by myself. On those days, score starts to matter just a little. Because I feel like I am flirting with the tipping point of world domination by elementary-aged boys. And I just cannot let them win. It is my job as a mom to stay at least a little bit ahead in score.
Today is one of those losing days. Let’s take this step by step, shall we?
My oldest son dropped his bite-sized fruit candies on the ground outside of school as we were walking to the car. Insert tantrum – with tears - here as I tried to explain that even though he was picking them all up, he would not be able to eat them. Now insert pleas for “my favorite candy in the whole wide world!” here. As I continued to explain why eating the candies was no longer an option, Chris explains to me that he once dropped a chip on the floor in our garage and he still ate it. His logic was that if the dirt from our garage didn’t kill him, certainly whatever is on the ground outside of an elementary school wouldn’t kill Alec.
For the sake of saving the unintended insult commentary for some other blog post, we will gloss right over the fact that Chris basically stated that the ground at school was cleaner than our garage. We are just gonna let that one go. For now. The point here is that I gave in. I lost. I let him eat the candy.
Mom 0. Kids 1.
When we got home, Chris went looking for a picture of a dragon that he had drawn and left in his school binder. Apparently at some point in the past week I cleaned out his school binder and recycled the dragon picture. I have no recollection of this, but considering I am the only one who ever bothers to clean out the school binders, I suppose I am guilty. Then we both remember that the recycle was placed on the curb this morning and is now gone. The dragon picture has found a new forever home. Insert nine-year-old-fit here. I lose again.
Mom 0. Kids 2.
While I was dealing with the lost dragon, Colin comes in, half crying, half screaming because the Kindle will not work properly. The child is on the verge of losing it, I am trying to defend my dragon-disposal mistake as an accident, Chris is mad at me, and I am still trying to mentally justify the candy debacle to myself. At this point “What the balls; Chill out and I will fix the Kindle for you” comes flying out of my mouth. In frustration I just used the phrase “what the balls?” when speaking to one of my children. I lose. Again.
Mom 0. Kids 3.
It is at this point that I realize that Nick is being very quiet through all of this turmoil in the house. So I set off on a reluctant quest to find him. And I do find him – silently playing in the bathroom with cups that he found in the trash, making “experiments” with water and the money he apparently “earned himself” by selling the food I packed in his lunch box to another child who was still hungry after eating. He thinks this is okay because he wasn’t going to eat it anyway. And he thinks it is especially okay because he plans to give me all the pennies. Insert deep breath here because I’ve now got all these pennies, yet I still lose. Again.
Mom 0. Kids 4.
Today is one of those losing days – so far. The good news is that as of right now it is only a little after 5pm and I still have time to earn some points. Which I will. Because I always do.
These boys may be able to take a lead on me, but they will never beat me to the finish line. When you are raising four boys, there is far too much at stake to let them think they can win the war. Little battles, pssshhh; they can have them and celebrate their victories. But the war; the war belongs to Mom.
Author’s Note: I suspended the writing of this blog post to take the boys to the school’s Spirit Night at a pizza place. It is now several hours after all the losing and they spent that time laughing, playing with friends, enjoying some food and some free time to be as crazy as they want. I just earned many points. So, at the end of the day, I guess we all win. As a family. I can’t ask for a better score than that.
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