I see these lists all the time. There are so many neat, bulleted lists that
rattle off important things that we should tell our sons. While I want my sons to hold doors, use their manners, and chase their dreams, it just seems to me that there is far more that our
young men need today. From this mom's perspective,
there are some things that should always be included in our conversations with our sons. Here is my non-bulleted list of things I will
always tell mine.
Your masculinity has nothing to do with the images you are
presented in the media and by “real men”.
If you ever feel the need to label yourself a real man or defend your
status as a grown man, you, in fact, are neither. Real men cry.
Real men take care of the people they love. Real men appreciate children and the elderly and
treat them with respect and compassion and love, at all times. You do not need to “Man Up” or “Act Like a
Man”. Just BE a man; do it unconditionally
and without apology. That, my child, is
masculine.
You rarely get what you do not ask for. Even though this one can be hard to apply in
all situations, it is the truth and it will always serve you to speak up about
what you want. How will she know you
like her if you don’t ask her out? How
will your boss know that you want the promotion if you do not throw your hat in
the ring? How will the guy making your
sandwich know you don’t like mayo if you don’t ask him to cut the mayo? It can and should be that simple: just
ask. Even if you don’t always get what
you want, at least you won’t be left wondering if you could have if only you
had spoken up.
Your body, your thoughts, your emotions, and your feelings
are yours. No one has the right to tell
you how to be you or how you should feel.
Ever. You do not need validation
to be who you are. And no one will ever
be able to tell you how to be a better you than your own inner voice. If you want change, make it. If you are happy with your choices, own them. People will never love or respect you more
than you love and respect yourself.
Own everything about yourself. If
you can’t, that only means that you still have work to do. And that’s ok too; own it and do the
work.
God only ever made ONE perfect human; you are not that human.
While it is the goal of the Christian life to continually seek to be
more Christ-like, you simply will not ever reach that goal. You were not made to reach it. You were made to always work toward it. Stop thinking that you have to be perfect at everything
you try. If you love to do something,
work hard at getting better. If you are
failing, you are never a failure until you have given up. During the process, negative self-talk and
that nasty ugly internal monologue will not get you closer to your goals and
will only pull you further from the Father.
You are here and you are doing the things you are doing for a reason;
never stop working toward the goal, but don’t despair at setbacks. They are simply proof that you are an
imperfect human who is still trying, as you were meant to be.
No relationship that you will ever be a part of will be
about you. It will always be about the
other person. You will not be with a
woman for what she can do for you. You will
not be a father because of what that child can do for you. You will not be a friend for your own
benefit. You may try to approach relationships
in a selfish manner, but if you do, you can be assured that those relationships
will either outright fail or they will be so toxic they destroy your
spirit. Approach every relationship with
a servant’s attitude and you will find more satisfaction and joy in each and
every relationship of your life than most people get from their “healthiest” relationship.
You will never have what you want until you are truly
thankful for what you have. And I mean truly thankful. Your gratitude should pour from your soul and
into the world with such force that those around you are almost blinded by
it. The act of gratitude will bring into
your life more than you can ever imagine.
And when want you want isn’t coming fast enough, gratitude will remind
you of all that you already have. And do
not take the people you care about for granted; if you are thankful for them, tell them. And tell them often. Take constant stock of all that you have been
blessed with and express constant thankfulness.
There is nothing that will bring more happiness than being
thankful. This is a promise I can make
confidently to you.
So, there’s the short list; straight from this mom who desires nothing more than to provide this world with four outstanding, God-loving young men.
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