Eeek! Here I am at
the end of Day 6 and I have not written since Day 3. I apologize…..somehow August snuck up on me
and the days of a stacked calendar caught me off guard. It happens every year. I have no idea why it always surprises me.
So, here’s the update in a nutshell and then I want to share
a little story. Days 4, 5 and 6 were
more of the same with the exception that I made a realization about the energy
part of the juice fast/cleanse, or whatever I should call this program I made
up. I kept expecting this other-worldly
rush of energy to hit me at some point and I was getting frustrated (especially
on Day 5 – more on that later) that I wasn’t feeling it. What I have realized throughout the day today
is that it isn’t a crazy rush. It is
pure, steady, all day energy. It is no
yawning at 2 pm, or anytime really. It
is feeling normal – actual normal, not what sugar and caffeine addicted normal
is – all stinkin’ day long.
I have not had any caffeine in 6 days. None.
This is unheard of for me. This
is exciting: do you know how much money I can save by cutting soda and
Starbucks out of my life?!? Yet I am not
tired. I do not have those times during
the day when all I want is some coffee or soda.
I have been using my essential oils to support all of my body’s systems
while it cleanses and it seems to really be working! And after 5 days I have dropped 7
pounds! The weight loss was mostly in
the first three days, and it has slowed since then, but I will take it!
Only one more day and then it is on to a diet of whole,
plant-based foods to keep the goodness going.
Now for my story…..
Yesterday was Day 5 and if I am being honest it was actually
the hardest day. I hadn’t made my energy
realization yet and I was feeling like maybe the whole thing just isn’t
working. I had also experienced two
nights of dreams filled with me eating food.
Like Tacos. Mmmmmmm. Tacos.
I had to really fight my temptation all day long.
By the time I was making dinner for the boys I was starving
(my fault, I hadn’t had a juice in many hours); stomach-growling, hangry
starving. So I decided you know what, I’m
just gonna call it an Almost 5 Day Program and eat some of this food I am
cooking. I even started imagining what
dinner would taste like off a plate instead of in a glass. I was rationalizing that I had made it many
days and it wouldn’t hurt if I gave up right then. Surely people would understand.
And then it happened.
My son walked into the kitchen and gave me a hug. While we were hugging he asked “are you going
to eat food tonight?’ My answer was of
course a quick yes because I was already deep into the rationalization of
quitting and the imagery of a fork doing its job. As we pulled out of the hug I saw this look
on his face and asked what was wrong.
“I was just really hoping you could make it the whole way.”
I died a little right there.
Right there in my kitchen. I died
a little looking my son who had faith in me from the beginning and could not
hide his disappointment that I was giving up.
He walked out of the kitchen and left me dying right there. He had no idea what was going on in my
brain. But I will tell you what was
going on: shame. Dirty, sneaky,
unnecessary shame.
So I made myself a juice, finished making their dinner and
then fed my family while I sipped.
I wish so much that you could have seen the look on his face
when I went to him later and thanked him for believing in me and reminding me
that I can do what I say I will do. I
told him how thankful I was for him putting me right back on track and for
being such a great supporter of his mom.
The look of pride on his face, not only in me for not quitting, but in him
for being the reason I was able to pull it together and focus on the commitment
I had made to myself, was priceless and I will never forget it.
He wasn’t even trying to motivate, to shame, or to be
disappointed. He was just telling the
truth: I was just really hoping you could make it the whole way. He was my accountability partner and didn’t
know it. If he had not said that to me I
am positive I would have quit early, eaten dinner with the boys, and then felt
real disappointment in myself.
Thank God for the unfailing belief my son has in me. And for the wake up words I needed to hear
from him at just the right moment. If I had
stuck with my original plan to eat with them, this post would read much
differently.
